Director: Tim Burton

Writer: Linda Woolverton (screenplay), Lewis Carroll (books: “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland” & “Through the Looking Glass and What Alice Found There”)

Cast: Mia Wasikowska, Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Anne Hathaway, Crispin Glover

MPAA Rating: PG (for fantasy action/violence involving scary images and situations, and for a smoking caterpillar.)

Summary: 19-year-old Alice returns to the magical world from her childhood adventure, where she reunites with her old friends and learns of her true destiny: to end the Red Queen’s reign of terror.

Run Time:  108 minutes

View the Trailer here.

This is the film I wanted so badly to be my first 3D movie experience. Ever since I saw the “Alice” trailer on the anti-climatic “Avatar Day”, I’ve been waiting patiently for Tim Burton’s “Alice in Wonderland” to premiere. Unfortunately, since “Avatar” came out before “Alice” as the first big 3D production, I’m sad to say that “Alice” was not my first romp with 3D, but I’ll get to a comparison of the virtues of 3D between the two films later in this review.

Tim Burton’s “Alice in Wonderland” is an absolute delight for the eyes. It is like the most succulent dessert that you could ever eat, but with your eyes! The whole time, I was thinking, “This must be what the inside of Tim Burton’s head looks like!” (only more colorful, I bet). It seemed like an art director and costumer’s absolute dream! I wanted to look around and discover the odd creatures and landscapes for myself. “Alice” is certainly a visual feast.

Except for scenes in the real world, the bulk of this film is shot against a green screen and it is a marvelous blend of live action and animation. The line between the two was so successfully blurred in “Alice” that you could really believe that you were in Wonderland… er… Underland as it is here.

The opening and closing scenes as well as deliberate points in between gave reference to lines in the Lewis Carroll books, so it ties the film in with a level of familiarity that fans of the original tale are bound to appreciate and expect. The characters are again familiar – the White Rabbit, the Red Queen, the Catepillar, Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum, the White Queen, the March Hare,…  but of course, executed with a Burton-esque twist. I’m sure you’ve seen the adverts and thus had a peek of how spectacular the Mad Hatter looks now.

Alice falls down the rabbit hole again at age nineteen and must help the people of Underland overthrow the Red Queen. Even though I understand that the plot of this take on “Alice” can’t be too far fetched for fear of losing credibility with the source material, I nevertheless found the interpretation of the spin-off plot-line to be mundane, considering that we’re talking about Tim Burton directing.  I suppose that fans would revolt if a spin off scenario got too off base, but I felt like Burton played it safe with the plot. The pacing of the storyline also felt flat to me in the sense that there were no quiet times in the film where you as a spectator could rest or for the characters to properly develop. “Alice” was perhaps too chock full of action and curiosities. One might even say that it had too much “muchness”!

Still, even though the storyline and pacing was rather monotone, the characters made it interesting enough to keep watching. I felt that the characters were all immensely fun, with Alice being the foil of standalone straight-guy. Yes, all the characters are zany, but this is a Burton film, what did you expect? To enjoy this film, it’s best to just go with it and enjoy the strange!

Johnny Depp’s Hatter was the most intriguing character of them all. That would not be a surprise here as this is Depp’s seventh film with Burton and it is clear that their partnership is a well-oiled machine. Depp played Hatter with the more depth than any other character in the film – at times, plainly mad, to innocent, to frighteningly intense in his convictions. I only wished to have connected with Hatter more to understand his back story and motivations. Plus, if you’ll note, standing still, one of Hatter’s pupils is ever so slightly larger than the other at all times, adding to that air of “something is wrong with this picture”. I must also give props to the make-up artist and animators for something Hatter does with his eyes. You’ll see what I mean when you watch the film, it lends that extra bit of spice to Hatter’s madness!

Alice drew strength (and in some cases, madness) from Hatter throughout her journey. That connection between the Hatter and Alice was delicately present. Mia Wasikowska performed well in what must have felt like an odd-one-out role amidst the other characters in Underland. Her Alice was curious about all things, headstrong, easily distracted, but strangely calm under all circumstances.

Helena Bonham Carter is one of my favorite actresses and she plays the Red Queen/Queen of Hearts with an appropriate amount of gusto and fervor, bellowing out the trademark exclamation of “Off with his (or her) head!”. Anne Hathaway lights up the screen as the White Queen, a sort of a reverse goth gliding around in all white with a peculiar interest in deathly things.

“Alice” had a stellar voice cast – Alan Rickman as the Catepillar, Stephen Fry as the Cheshire Cat, and Christopher Lee as the Jabberwocky.

As a costumer, I especially loved every single costume assembled for “Alice”. Colleen Atwood (“Nine”, “Sweeney Todd”, “Chicago”) has really outdone herself on this one! Every single piece looks meticulously designed and constructed in a way that adds so much to each character’s demeanor. Since there wasn’t a whole lot of character development in the film, I think the costuming really helped in presenting the characters and progressing Alice through her journey.

As far as the 3D quality of the film goes, it certainly did add to the rich surrealism to Underland, but I don’t think this is the best film to serve as an example of you-must-see-this-before-you-die-type of 3D experience. In fact, I’m not sure whether it was because I saw this in the combination of 3D and on an IMAX screen – that I, and every member of the party I went with suffered headaches afterwards. I did not have a headache after “Avatar” in 3D, but I did not see that on an IMAX screen. The 3D glasses were also different for the IMAX theater, so that could have been a contributing factor as well. Don’t get me wrong, Ken Ralston (“Star Wars”, “Polar Express”, “Back to the Future”) and Sony Pictures Imageworks did a fantastic job creating Underland for “Alice” and the fall down the rabbit hole was something else, but I don’t think that it was necessary for the bulk of the film to be in 3D. I think there is definitely something to be said for too much visual stimuli!

The Cheshire Cat was the most amazing part of the 3D in “Alice”. It was seeing him in the preview that snagged my interest for this film. The way the animators made him navigate through the air was simply purrfect! Next to Hatter, the Cheshire Cat was my favorite character. I was absolutely giddy with excitement for every scene where the Cheshire Cat appeared.

Conversely, the character of Stayne aka Knave of Hearts (played by Crispin Glover) whose head was live action married onto an unnaturally elongated CGI body, was the worst bit of animation in the film in that his body did not move right and that his limbs lacked the appropriate weight. I felt distracted by this every time Stayne was on screen.

Compared to “Avatar”, I would say that “Alice” was the more visually appealing of the two. In both films, the animators carefully filled the air with particles to give it a sense of realism and depth. Still, “Avatar” had stronger “wow” sequences in 3D and did a better job of having the characters interact with 3D elements. This was due to the fact that “Alice” was shot in 2D and then given the 3D treatment later on in the film-making process. But unlike “Avatar”, I would definitely see “Alice” again.

Tim Burton does not disappoint with these awfully strange characters and the stunningly imaginative land of Underland. His vision for “Alice” updates the classic story for a young lady-aged Alice.

In the end, “Alice” is about knowing who you are and being comfortable with it. Alice needed to learn to be true to who she is inside. She finds the confidence to stand up for herself in an era where women didn’t typically partake in such brazen acts of self-worth. Burton reminds you of the power of believing in the impossible and how to see the world with child-like wonder. This fanciful film with a positive message within is a kid-safe film with a helping of Burton-style strange, and has strong appeal across all demographics – the crowd in my sold-out screening was an impressive mix of people young and old, male and female of all ethnicities.

Alice In Wonderland is definitely worth seeing, though I would recommend viewing it in 2D.

I Give “Alice in Wonderland” Three Out Of Five Stars

Genre

Director: James Cameron

Writer: James Cameron

Cast: Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldana, Sigourney Weaver, Stephen Lang, Michelle Rodriguez, Giovanni Ribisi, Joel Moore, CCH Pounder, Wes Studi

MPAA Rating: PG-13 (for intense epic battle sequences and warfare, sensuality, language)

Summary: In the future, Jake, a paraplegic war veteran, is brought to another planet, Pandora, which is inhabited by the Na’vi, a humanoid race with their own language and culture. Those from Earth find themselves at odds with each other and the local culture.

Run Time:  162 minutes

View the Trailer HERE

[This Review Contains Spoilers]

These days when money is tight, you have to pick and choose carefully what you spend your hard-earned cash on. With all the hype surrounding this flick you’d think that it’s a no-brainer. After all, “Avatar” is winning awards even before it comes out, so it must be good, right? This is exactly why you should read this review before you head out to the theaters and spend nearly twice as much (or more if you’re set on seeing it in the IMAX theater) as you would for a regular movie ticket for this 3D film.

James Cameron’s “Avatar” is spun with great hype for the technological advances this film has made for the film industry. It created and utilized the new tech of motion capture to integrate actors’ performances into an animated characters and created a whole entire world, rich with flora and fauna in 3D. That said, let’s first talk about this film as a storyline and characters before launching into the technical aspects of “Avatar”.

The story of “Avatar” follows Jake Sully (Sam Worthington), a crippled war vet who takes over his twin brother’s slot in an experimental program where scientists plug in and operate “avatars”which are ten-foot tall, blue, hybrid bodies made from the scientist’s own DNA combined with the DNA of the native Na’vi population. The scientists’ goal, of course, clashes with the private sector goal on this primal moon, called Pandora. The politically-correct plan was to use these avatars to learn the natives’ culture and what they know about the planet’s flora and to better negotiate a relocation of the native people away from the site of interest. Jake is accepted into the native population and learns their ways with the orders to report back on weaknesses and best plans of attack. Instead of allowing the natives to be destroyed, Jake goes ‘native’ and sides with the native Na’vi people. So yes, the plot is indeed very “Dances With Wolves”.

The plot-line and dialogue of this film seems forced and even corny at times.  It felt like a screwdriver was used to force the plot to fit to Cameron’s purposes. Audience members at the screening I attended even laughed at dramatic parts of the movie because it was so bad! There are also serious plot holes like “Does Jake not rest at all?” Because when his avatar is sleeping, he is up and active in his human body and then he has to go back to do a full day in his avatar right after! There were times in the movie where I did have the eye-rolling reaction- mostly where long monologues were inserted to make up for lack of quality story-telling!

The Na’vi people are interesting and engaging enough, but they themselves cannot sell the film! Sam Worthington’s Jake Sully was good enough to move the plot forward. Sigourney Weaver’s head scientist character and Michelle Rodriguez’s pilot character were strong enough to form an awkward balance between the strong female characters on human and alien sides (Zoe Saldana and CCH Pounder play the roles of the princess and sha-woman of the tribe).  The actors’ performances were severely restricted by the lack of a strong script. Seriously, a guy in my row literally fell asleep and snored for about a half hour in the middle of the film.

But wait! Zoe Saldana’s character, Neytiri, the Na’vi princess and Jake’s love interest, is the shining star of the film. Her performance almost saves the entirety of this crap-tastic storyline. Neytiri is the most fleshed out character of the film and you can really feel her and relate to her. She makes the existence and culture of the Na’vi feel real and vibrant! Cameron should pay Saldana more for saving his ass on this film.

The story of “Avatar” itself is not good enough to see in a 3D treatment, but the animated world of Pandora , created for this film is indeed amazing and more worthy of this high-priced viewing. The 3D of this film is not the gimmicky look-at-this-ax-flying-at-your-head sort of 3D, but rather it is used as a way of enhancing the depth and detail of the visual environment. There was one scene in particular that was breath-taking- the scene with the seeds of the sacred tree dancing in the air around Jake and Neytiri. I admire the film for the creation of an incredibly rich world history, culture, mythos, and interesting creature designs. The flora is very marine-life inspired and that in itself is delightful to see how the creative team behind Pandora adapted these inspirations to a new world of flora.

Now, the rendered landscapes elicited a mixed reaction from me. On the one hand, it is difficult to light a rendered environment in a realistic fashion in harsh and bright light, so I suppose that I give them an “E” for effort on that aspect since I felt that the landscapes and built environments had a video-game-like feel to them. There also seemed to be a haze on top of everything outside to perhaps blur out imperfections? A complaint on the look of the fauna – the textures on the animals felt too uniform, like they were all of a similar painted vinyl fabric texture or something resembling a Fruit-Roll-Up.

One thing that Cameron does well as always is the tech dreamt up for these futuristic contexts. The Command and Control Center of the base on Pandora, mech body suits used in the field, aircraft, and avatar pods were designed in a believable and near-future fashion.

The technological advancements mentioned earlier in this review include new motion-capture tech to capture every eye movement and minute facial expression of the actors. This was supposed to make the animated characters appear even more life-like. I thought it was well done, but even this tech did not break through the wall of believability to me. Perhaps that fact that these characters were blue with tails and that I am not used to seeing that type of alien kept me from believing them as true creatures!

A good deal of the film is a combination of rendered environments melded with live action footage. This melding is done in such a way that it is hard to tell which is which. This is both good and bad at the same time because it still looked odd to me. I cannot tell if it was odd lighting or perhaps the too-perfect textures in both live-action and rendered footage, but something was wrong. It’s like being trapped in the narrow valley between what is real and what is not in a way that leaves you on the side of disbelief.

Here’s the bottom line: You cannot deny the technological achievements of this film, but as a film, “Avatar” suffers from a predictable and labored plotline. This film is more of a high-tech spectacle than anything else, save Zoe Saldana’s character. Go see it at a matinee price if you can!

When I was leaving the theater, no one gushed about how great of a movie it was. I think it was more like “OMG, I just spent how much on seeing that? I’m keeping my damn 3D glasses!”

On a side note, if you wear eye-glasses, I have a piece of advice for you. The 3D glasses that you can put over your glasses are a bit awkward and mine tended to slip off my frames through the entire latter half of the film if I wasn’t holding my head just right. I’d advise wearing contacts or to bring some tape to adhere those things onto your glasses!

Also, audience beware, this film seems to have drawn all types of people to it!  There was a whole group of non-geek people in my row that literally talked through the entire movie.

One last note: Unobtanium? Seriously? I can’t tell if this is a nod to geek language or because Cameron was lazy!

I give “Avatar” Two Out Of Five Stars

Director: Giovanni Rodriguez

Writers: Laura Pratt, Giovanni Rodriguez

Cast: Christine Lakin, Tim Draxl, Norman Reedus, Ankur Bhatt, Justin Hartley

MPAA Rating: R (for strong violence including rape, language, some drug and sexual content)

Summary: Regina and Devon return to their family home in the badlands of Utah to face the memory of a brutal attack – and put it behind them.

Run-time: 81 minutes

View the Trailer HERE

[This Review Contains Spoilers]

Norman FUCKIN’ Reedus? Are you kidding me? Boondock FUCKIN’ Saints Norman Reedus? Seriously? Hell yeah, I’m down for that!

Red Canyon begins slow and is loaded with super fast, almost undiscernable, flash backs. Seems a young lady was brutally raped while exploring a cavern with her brother. All the while said brother watched the whole thing and never tried to help. Oh and the parents get killed.

Bounce up a couple years and the brother and sister leave the big city to return to the desert and try to get over what happened. Sort of an immersion therapy if you will. Of course they take along a group of stereotypical friends including another hot chick, a dumb jock and a smart guy.

They spend their days riding motor-cross bikes all over the desert, getting drunk and making fun of the locals. The neighbor even has a pissed off dog who goes nuts every time they drive by.

All the while, the girl keeps having flash backs of her attack and freaking out at every little shadow and bump in the night. After a while it really begins to grate on the gangs nerves. No worries though, they all are soon relieved of their pain by a gruesome death delivered by a local desert-neck (patented phrase).

The duo find themselves back in the cave-o-doom only to find it is, and always has been used as a manufacturing/storage space for drugs.

The inevitable chase through the desert, hunt, kill, hunt, kill goes on for a while until most everyone is exhausted and tired of making the movie. The duo gets re-captured and there is a HUGE incestuous twist at the end.

It’s actually not a bad movie for what it is. It has the mind of a Hills Have Eyes, without the freaks. The acting all around is superb. I have a hunch Reedus brought everyone’s game up a few notches. The scenery is visually stunning. The D.P. couldn’t have picked a better place to shoot a movie.

My biggest complaint is the lighting. The night scenes lasted for hours while the day scenes only lasted minutes. I realize it saves budget on props and décor, but film makers should at least show something of their set design. This movie was ripe for weirdness that just didn’t show on screen.

The twist at the end of Red Canyon, easily beats any of the twists in the SAW Franchise to date!

I give “Red Canyon” Three Out of Five Cleavers

Paperback: 170 pages

Artemis Bridge is the know-who, go-to guy, the amoral fixer in 2028 Los Angeles with the connection for any illicit desire no matter how depraved. You need it, he can get it without questions or judgment. He prides himself on staying detached from the depravity, untouched by the filth, untouchable by the law. When a young hacker is assassinated before his eyes, he is burdened with a scandalous video of the mayor on the eve of the city’s most important election of the century. With digital assassins and murderous thugs dogging his every step, he has only days before the corrupt mayor is re-elected, handing the Chronosoft Corporation complete control of the city. Unable to sell the video, he is forced further into a complex conspiracy.

Under the Amoral Bridge is set in dystopian future Los Angeles, after a bankrupt government has abandoned its citizenry and a major corporation with it’s own agenda has taken over. Artemis Bridge, simply known as “Bridge” always knows someone who can get you what you want,as long as you’re willing and able to pay. Even with the obvious futuristic elements of the story, there is much that links it to present day – Politics, Corporate Greed and both the good and bad aspects of technological advances.

Under the Amoral Bridge is a fast paced story with a heaping spoonful of action. The pacing is swift, partly due to the events in the book taking place over the short span of less than 48 hours and partly due to Ballard’s skillful prose. Ballard has also done an impeccable job of fleshing out the characters and the world they occupy, a lesson that even some of the most seasoned authors could learn.

My only real criticism of Under the Amoral Bridge is the short story at the back of the trade paperback, enititled ‘Feeding Autonomy’. This short story, is set nearly 9 months before the events of Under the Amoral Bridge and is as well written as the main story itself, however I personally would have preferred ‘Feeding Autonomy’ as a precursor to the main book, rather than being placed afterward. I am aware that it seems trendy or artsy to place things chronologically out of order in movies or books. In this instance however, when I had completed the entire book, I wished I had read ‘Feeding Autonomy’ prior to the main story. Believe me when I tell you that this is a very small complaint for a book I would consider a really kick-ass, cyberpunk thriller.

I am thoroughly impressed by Gary A. Ballard’s debut effort and highly recommend it to everyone.

I give “Under the Amoral Bridge by Gary A. Ballard” Five Out of Five Stars

Machinma Trailer for “Under the Amoral Bridge”

Pick up your own copy using the links below.

Trade Paperback on Amazon.com

Trade Paperback on createspace

Ebook on Smashwords

EBook On Barnes and Noble

The second novel in The Bridge Chronicles “The Know Circuit”, is being serialized in blog form on Gary Ballard’s Site RIGHT HERE

Director: Declan O’Brien

Writers: Connor James Delaney, Alan B. McElroy

Cast: Tom Frederic, Janet Montgomery, Borislav Iliev, Bill Moody

MPAA Rating: Unrated (R)

Summary: While rafting in the Bluefish River area, four college kids are attacked by the mutant cannibal hillbilly Three Finger. Only the teenager Alex succeeds in escaping running through the woods. Meanwhile, a group of dangerous criminals are transported from the West Virginia Grafton Penitentiary in a custody bus escorted by three security guards through the backwoods.

Run-time: 92 min

View the Trailer HERE

[This Review Contains Spoilers]

Damn it’s good to be back! Are ya familiar with the Wrong Turn series? If not it goes a little something like this. WT1: A bunch of kids are driving through West Virginia, make a wrong turn (duh) and wind up being hunted by a bunch of inbred cannibals, all proficient in weapons, but mainly bows and arrows.

Then we move on to WT2: Whole new story, same inbred family folk. This time Henry Rollins (bow) is the host of a “survivor” type reality show and the clan is picking them off one by one (i suspect due to their piss poor acting skills). At the end of this one, two of the cannibal kids have a baby of their own (because that’s what inbred folks do) with only 3 fingers on one hand.

Both movies were good for blood and boobs. Both movies had some great carnage. Neither movie was Oscar worthy to say the least, but they were both fun to watch.

So here we are at Wrong Turn 3: Left For Dead. First of all, Fuck YOU Netflix and your very, very long waits. Who do you think you are, the god of all thing rental. Why if I was half the person I thought I was…….sorry, I get a little rental rage now and again.

WT3 begins after 3 Finger grows up and takes over for his dead family as king of the mountain. Right from the get go, we got a huge pair-o-boobs getting arrowed clean through. Loved the scene, loved the opening, but really, who doesn’t see it coming? They smoke pot AND have sex! That equals death in any movie.

Time shift to a bus load of convicts being transported to another prison. Said bus is taken off the road by 3 Fingers and the hunt is on. He does away with them in many, MANY vicious ways, including the best hard boiled egg slicer to ever grace the forest.

Somewhere along the way, the group stumbles across an old armored truck full of cash, so the lead bad guy forces them to carry the loot while they are on the run. Needless to say, it slows them down to a crawl making them even easier prey for the afore mentioned King of the Mountain.

A Towny sheriff comes to help with his lady deputy, but of course they are no smarter then anyone else in the movie, so they buy it pretty gruesomely. At least we assume the deputy does! They never fuckin show her! Seriously, she vanishes like the brother Chuck on Happy Days or the sister on Family Matters.

It all culminates in a battle royal between the lead convict and Ol’ 3 Fingers. Gallons of blood are spilled, skin is flayed, eyes are poked out and eaten… and of course we all know who comes out on top. Or DO we?

Once the shit is well sifted by the fan, and all is sorted out, the main character goes back for the treasure only to be “Faced” with a little surprise. Luckily, said surprise gets it’s own surprise to really stir the shit right back into the fan, leaving it open for yet a 4th block-buster trip to the mountains.

Although this one was filmed in Argentina, you’ll swear its West Virginia. I highly recommend watching this trilogy before any camping trip, especially if your planning a rafting trip down the Gulley River.

The DVD contains just a couple of deleted scenes, a making of, and some commentary.

Wrong Turn 3 is a great edition to a somewhat bizarre series.

I give “Wrong Turn 3” Three out of Five Cleavers

Genre:  Action/ Crime/ Drama/ Triller

Director: James McTeigue

Writers: Matthew Sand, J. Michael Straczynski

Cast: Rain, Naomie Harris, Sho Kosugi, Sung Kang, Ben Miles

MPAA Rating: R (for strong bloody stylized violence throughout, and language)

Summary. Trained since childhood to be a lethal killer, Raizo has since turned his back on the Ozunu clan that raised him and now seeks revenge for their heartless murders. Teaming up with Europol investigator Mika, Raizo steadily butchers his enemies while inching ever closer to the long-awaited bloody reunion with his former master.

Run Time:  99 minutes

[This review contains spoilers.]

“Ninjas? Are you f*cking kidding me?”

-approximation of Sung Kang’s line from “Ninja Assassin”

Apparently, ninjas live among us and there are clans of them that exist as assassins for hire to whomever can pay the price- 100 pounds of gold.

“Ninja Assassin” stars Korean pop star, Rain (Speed Racer), as the central character, an orphan that had taken in by a clan of ninja assassins and renamed Raizo.  Through flashbacks, you see how and why he becomes the man that he is.  He breaks from the clan and is determined to bring down the father figure of the clan, played by Sho Kosugi.  His path crosses with Mika (Naomie Harris) with Europol, an international police agency, who is investigating strange assassinations.

The film is directed by James McTeigue (V for Vendetta, Matrix, Speed Racer) and produced by Joel Silver (V for Vendetta, Veronica Mars, Matrix) and the Wachowski Brothers (Matrix trilogy, V for Vendetta, Speed Racer).

Even with these high-powered names behind this film, it only sort of lives up to the hype.  The recent trailers and clips released show a much more promising action film, but I must admit that when I saw the first trailer for this from Comic Con, I thought this one looked so bad that I didn’t even want to waste my time, but heck, I am always after good martial arts films!

Where to even begin on the flaws of “Ninja Assassin”?  The film is not well written in the aspect that the dialogue is just atrocious!  You’d think perhaps it was done on purpose, but it seemed like they were taking this film seriously.  If it were tongue-in-cheek style deliberately, it could have been a much more entertaining time at the movies, but as it was, the dialogue was cringe-worthily awful.  The acting was mostly limited by the horrible dialogue and goofy ninja-in-the-city scenario.

As expected, there is liberal bloodshed in this film, but my major complaint here is that you simply cannot see what is going on in the action scenes to fully appreciate the action.  This proves yet again why Hong Kong action films prevail in their action scenes.  Yes, darkness is part of the ninja’s arsenal, but that makes it hard to film.

The action choreography is heavily stylized and CGI enhanced.  The CGI is done well enough to capture the spirit of the bad-assness of ninja action, but even with all the CGI glamour, “Ninja Assassin” simply didn’t feel like it had enough action in it!  Most of this feeling is due to my above complaint of not being able to freakin’ see any of the actual action.

Hold on, there IS bad CGI in this film!  The biggest visual blemish came with the ninjas’ special power effects. Yes, these ninjas are like Lasombra in that they are shadows and dissolve into the darkness.  The implementation of said effect is a serious step back in technology- it looks like the ghosts from hell in the 1990 Patrick Swayze film, “Ghost”!  What was even worse is that the ninjas also whisper en masse just in case you couldn’t figure out their motivation.  They feel the need to whisper it loudly in exposition “Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilllll hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimmmmmmmm.” You’ve got to be kidding!

The last half hour or so of the movie saves its ass. The key to ninja stealth is their advantage of surprise and the cloak of darkness. Take away that advantage and they are vulnerable… to automatic gunfire!  The final action scenes of the movie is illuminated by the fires of the burning building so finally, I can see some action!

Rain does a decent job as Raizo. On a purely eye candy level, Rain looks good- he is tightly chiseled as a ninja physique should be. He is not over bulked, but lean and powerful. :mops up some drool: (I highly recommend the training with nails scene!) Should I be thankful that Raizo is a man of few words so that his accent doesn’t step on the scenes? The action scenes that stand out for me are those involving the chain whip and sickle on the end, but I fear that the chain whip is mostly CGI. Still, it looks impressive and impossibly flashy!

A worthy mention here is the opening scene where an Asian gangster, played by Sung Kang,  gets a message from the Black Sand clan.  Even though this scene literally made me cringe and think “if this movie starts off this badly, how will the rest be?”, he was great as a cocky gangster since he more well known for the pensive, quiet, zen-type (Fast and the Furious).  The leader of the clan is a stereotypical boss- nothing new to report or add.  Mika and her boss at Europol (shown below) are awkward and feel incredibly misplaced, but were necessary to move the plot along.

The biggest disappointment for me was finding out that J. Michael Straczynski (Babylon 5) had a hand in writing the screenplay to this. Did he lose a bet somewhere and therefore had to include his name onto this?

From what Joel Silver had stated in interviews, the aim of this film was to introduce Rain as an action star to an American audience.  The film was built around that goal and I think they have achieved that end.

Bottom line: This film is cheesy. “Ninja Assassin” is the EZ Cheese of action films this year.  Just turn off your brain and spray! “Ninja Assassin” is a solid rental.

That said, “Ninja Assassin” would make a good video game. It is easily built for game translation. Actually, it would have made more sense if it was a film adapted from a video game to begin with! Cuz in this “Ninja Assassin” world, the best way to lose a band of ninjas after you is to run through on-coming traffic. Extra points if you hit a ninja!

I give “Ninja Assassin” Two out of Five stars!

Hardcover: 162 pages

To coincide with the release of J.J. Abrams STAR TREK on DVD and Blu-Ray, Titan Books has published “Star Trek: The Art of the Film“, a visual companion to the film written by Mark Cotta Vaz. Thanks to our good friends over at Titan Books we were fortunate enough to obtain a preview copy and it is a visually triumphant tome.

“Star Trek: The Art of the Film” is 162 glossy pages of hardcover awesomeness, filled to the brim with fantastic images and a wealth of information about the film. The book includes behind the scenes shots, costume and character designs (both used in the film, as well as some that were left out), conceptual art sketches and paintings and stills from the actual film. Some of the paintings are actually so large that they span and entire page or two and are works of art in the truest sense, so much so that you will almost want to remove them from the book and frame them for display.

The book starts with a foreword by J.J. Abrams himself, where he gives high praise to those who worked with him on STAR TREK and gives them all due credit for his own fearlessness in approaching the legendary franchise. Following the Foreword, we delve into “The Future Begins”. This chapter is where you find the bulk of the text within the book and it provides an in-depth look into the background of the film and charts the process that paved the way through the making of the film, touching on elements of the production process, as well as quotes from the main cast from the film.

After the foreward and introductory chapter, the remainder of the book devotes each chapter to a specific subject pertaining to Abram’s own Star Trek universe. These range from each of Star Trek’s fictional planets and their respective inhabitants, as well as future Earth. It is very nicely laid out in that each planet, each Starship, Starfleet Academy, and even The Kobayashi Maru, are all given their own chapter and are chock full of richly detailed concept art, photos and sketches. Among the most interesting of these chapters is one dedicated to the proposed designs of the new U.S.S. Enterprise with sketches and concept art that truly shows the progression of design.

The book rounds out its artful endeavors with some amazing but ultimately rejected poster designs for the film (which I’d like full size versions of for my own walls).

“Star Trek: The Art of the Film” was written by Mark Cotta Vaz, who’s previous books include “From Star Wars to Indiana Jones: The Best of the Lucasfilm Archives”, “The Complete Star Wars Trilogy Scrapbook”,”Behind the Mask of Spider-Man”, and “The Art of Batman Begins” to name just a few.

“Star Trek: The Art of the Film” is the perfect companion to sit along side your copy of the DVD or Blu-Ray of Abram’s epic film, as it is essentially a more in-depth form of Special Feature, in a glossy, full color hardcover format. So, if you liked the new movie, you will definitely enjoy the full-color pages of this over-sized hardcover book that gives you an insiders view of J.J. Abrams latest version of the Star Trek universe.

I Give “Star Trek: The Art of the Film” Four Out of Five Stars

You can pick up your own copy of Star Trek: The Art of the Film right HERE or head over to Titan Books website for more information.

Director: Pil-Sung Yim

Writers: Min-sook Kim (story), Pil-Sung Yim (screenplay)

Cast: Jeong-myeong Cheon, Shim Eun-kyung, Yeong-Nam Jang, Ji-jee Jin, Kyeong-ik Kim, Hee-soon Park, and Eun Won-jae.

MPAA Rating: Not rated by MPAA

Summary: A stranded motorist is led to an idyllic house deep in the forest by a young girl he meets after his accident.  There is something amiss with her and her two other siblings.  This is a dark, modern, and fantastic take on a classic fairy tale.

Run Time: 117 min.

Country of Origin: South Korea

Original Release date: Dec. 27, 2007

Language: Korean w/ English subtitles

If you haven’t heard of this film, don’t worry, it’s a foreign film that hasn’t seen a lot of US press, but needs to be seen.  Since it’s the fall season, I thought I’d bring you this film since this time of year makes me think of dark fairy tales.  I had the opportunity to see a screening of “Hansel and Gretel” at the Asian Film Festival of Dallas this year and now it will be available on Region 1 DVD on December 29, 2009 (already available in other Region formats).

When I first heard about his film, I thought it was a horror treatment of the classic Grimm story, but it is in fact, a dark fantasy.  “Hansel and Gretel” are not the central figures of this story, but this film uses the original fairy tale as a jumping off point to tell its tale.  I won’t give too much away as this is a thriller that keeps you guessing till the end of the film.  The reveal is so rich that I’d really hate to spoil it for you so I’ll give you an introductory bread crumb to start with:

A man named Eun-soo, gets into a car accident on a lonely stretch of highway while on his way to see his ill mother.  He stumbles off into the forest in search for help and meets a young girl who leads him to her house, two other siblings, and their incredibly polite parents who insist that he stay the night with them.  The next morning, he discovers that the parents have left him to look after the children for the next few days.  Where did the parents go?  Why did the parents behave so strangely towards the children?  How can he help the children?

Right away, the atmosphere of the film delivers a fantastic feel.  I have got to hand it to the art department for this film- they have things crafted down to the tiniest detail to birth this dark fairy tale onto the screen.  Top notch performances by everyone in the cast, especially the children, make you wonder what other Korean films you need to go see.

“Hansel and Gretel” was written and directed by Yim Pil-sung, who also wrote and directed the claustrophobic Namguek-ilgi (aka Antartic Journal) that won the Orient Express Award in 2005.  Yim Pil-sung’s talent for story-telling, setting an intriguing and engaging pace, and fantastically lush visuals make this one of my favorite films of the entire film festival.

After the screening, several of the festival attendees and I paused to reflect on this film and we all came to draw the same comparisons with Guillermo Del Toro’s “Pan’s Labyrinth” in that they are akin in atmosphere and both tap into the dark cruelty that people are capable of and the power of children’s imagination.  This is one creepy, dark fairy tale you don’t want to miss!

“Hansel and Gretel” won the International Fantasy Film Special Jury Award and Orient Express Section Grand Prize in 2009.

Special thanks to the Asian Film Festival of Dallas for allowing me the opportunity to review several of their films.  More reviews from this festival are coming!

Trailer for the “Hansel and Gretel” (no subtitles, but you get the drift!):

I give “Hansel and Gretel” Four out of Five stars!

Buy/pre-order the DVD here at Amazon: Region 1, Region 2.

In 2000, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon (gay) joined forces with Chris Moore (producer of American Pie) and Miramax to create a contest called “Project Greenlight.” The idea was to find the best screenplay out there (and throw it into a shitty tv show) and the winner would get $1 million to shoot his script.

Four years after the first contest, and after 3 very unsellable winners, “Greenlight” was given one more chance and one more movie, to pull a profit — if the movie fails, “Greenlight” goes off the air for good. This time some changes were added and instead of picking just a writer, a director and writer were also chosen.

Feast, written by Marcus Dunstan and Patrick Melton and directed buy John Gulager, not only won the stupid little reality show contest but brought back the franchise 2 more times just to rub it in every ones face. (p.s. The show still went off the air haha).

And now thanks to Netflix, we can watch all the flicks back to back the way god and Gulager ment them to be watched.

Feast (2005) is a great little indie flick with tons of blood and gore and some great cameos. Genre vet Clu Gulager (John’s dad) not only stars in this one, but the 2 sequels that follow.

The basic gist of the movie is simple; A bunch of stereotypes are trapped in a bar while nasty monsters try to break in and eat them alive. No one actually has a name, they all go by their stereotypes. Clu is “The Bartender” while others are “Honey Pie”, “The Heroin” and so on. The movie is even kind enough to give you some comedic foresight into when and how each victim will die. What more can you ask for?

There is some seriously sloppy blood letting and the F bombs fly around the bar worse than the flies on the happy hour buffet. Jason Mewes makes a cameo as himself and as if an angel came down and answered my prayers, dies like every drug addled bitch should.

While the movie itself seems a bit too “indie” at times, it really has a solid script and plot. Having watched Project Greenlight, I can attest to Gulagers loony’ness on set and I’m sure that casting all of his friends didn’t help in making it any easier to take control over the project.

But he did take control, and it found its way to a few midnight showings and finally to DVD where it has slowly but surely found a small but faithful cult following. The sequels, like almost ALL good crappy B-movies, went straight to DVD.

Feast II; Sloppy Seconds (2008) continues on right where the first movie leaves off. More Clu, more nameless victims and tons of good fun. The kills are ripe, the story is fun and those damn hilarious “fore sights” are back with a vengeance. Only “The Bartender” and “Honey Pie” come back for a second helping (because they were the only ones left alive)

Unlike the first, this time around we are given some great boobage and even a midget or two. And this sequel introduces us to “Tot Girl”, “Tat Girl”, and Tit Girl”.

Unfortunately this one gets a little too comedic and at times seems like a film school kid is trying out some new shots and editing tricks he’s learning, but forgets to edit them out of the final product.

Feast 3; The Happy Finish (2009) continues on at the very moment 2 ends. You really shouldnt see this one with having seen at least 2. Of course “The Bartender” is still pouring beer and lord knows how, but “Honey Pie” is still hanging in there. And although “Tot Girl” dies in a most messy fashion, “Tit” and “Tat” get a new friend in “Puke Girl”.

As I said, this one really picks up within seconds of Sloppy Seconds ending. Some sweet ass midget ripping and boobs galore take up the majority of this finale to the trilogy so put the kids to bed. The “fore sights” are damn near a character of their own this time and you’ll wish for more by the time this sucker ends.

Be sure to stick around during the end credits for the most bizarre surprise ending you’ll ever see on film. Of course if you have sat through all 3 of these gems, the surprise won’t phase you in the least.

I give this one 3 Cleavers (sure it’s one for each film, but I mean 3 in a good way)

Director: Chris Nahon

Writers: Chris Chow, Kenji Kamiyama

Cast: Gianna Jun, Allison Miller, Koyuki

MPAA Rating: R (for strong bloody stylized violence)

Summary: A vampire named Saya, who is part of covert government agency that hunts and destroys demons in a post-WWII Japan.

Run-time: 91 minutes

View the Trailer HERE

[This Review Contains Spoilers]

I’ve never been a huge fan of Asian cinema. I don’t get a kick out of Manga, and I don’t like to read subtitles. Even the thought of Netflix’ing this new movie had me feeling like I was wasting a notch on the ol’ rental queue.

Thankfully, I stuck to my guns and let it ride. ‘Blood: The Last Vampire’ (which is based on an Anime film) was not only an extreme visual treat, but well acted and filled with tons of blood as well (no boobs).

Saya. the main fem-badass, is a stunning 16-year-old, but her youthful exterior hides the tormented soul of a 400-year-old half breed. Born to a human father and a vampire mother, she has for centuries been using her samurai skills to rid the world of vampires, all the while knowing that she herself must have blood to survive.

When she is sent onto an American military base in Tokyo by the organization she works for, Saya immediately senses that this may be her opportunity to finally destroy Onigen, the evil patriarch of all vampires.

She has a very Giles like mentor and the story progression takes a lot of hints and cues from Buffy, only this time Buffy is a vamp. She works for a secret agency called “The Council”, which protects her until things turn bad and she has to do away with most of its members.

Using her superhuman strength and her sword, she begins to rid the town of its evil in a series of spectacular and elaborate showdowns. At one point she encounters what seems like 100’s of lower level demons in an alley-way and the scene plays out Matrix style with hordes of Mr. Smith/Demons dropping like limbless flies one after the other. It’s beautifully filmed with plenty of “bullet time” bloodshed. The scene reminded me a lot of Uma fighting the Crazy 88s in Kill Bill.

It is not until she forms her first human friendship in centuries with the young daughter of the base’s general that Saya learns her greatest power over Onigen may be her ability for human connection. The CGI blood looked even more amazing than that of 300 but the CGI demons looked almost as bad as Mr. Hyde at the beginning of Van Helsing. Meanwhile, the wire work was superb and the stunts were top notch.

The one thing I really liked about this movie was the story telling. There is a lot of flash back with Saya’s uncle Kato that tells the story of how she became the woman she is and why she is on the quest to kill Onigen. The flashbacks include extremely well shot forest scenes and Mt. Fuji backdrops.

I think we could have done without the military base, the American girl and that entire aspect of the film. It really lent nothing to the story and seemed to be forced on us just for the sake of having Americans involved in the movie(marketing probably).

You should definitely give this movie a try. I know it has opened my eyes to a whole new genre of film and I am looking forward finding more gems of this kind.

I give “Blood: The Last Vampire” (a strong) Two Out of Five Stars