The Meatlocker – DVD Review: Feast Trilogy

In 2000, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon (gay) joined forces with Chris Moore (producer of American Pie) and Miramax to create a contest called “Project Greenlight.” The idea was to find the best screenplay out there (and throw it into a shitty tv show) and the winner would get $1 million to shoot his script.

Four years after the first contest, and after 3 very unsellable winners, “Greenlight” was given one more chance and one more movie, to pull a profit — if the movie fails, “Greenlight” goes off the air for good. This time some changes were added and instead of picking just a writer, a director and writer were also chosen.

Feast, written by Marcus Dunstan and Patrick Melton and directed buy John Gulager, not only won the stupid little reality show contest but brought back the franchise 2 more times just to rub it in every ones face. (p.s. The show still went off the air haha).

And now thanks to Netflix, we can watch all the flicks back to back the way god and Gulager ment them to be watched.

Feast (2005) is a great little indie flick with tons of blood and gore and some great cameos. Genre vet Clu Gulager (John’s dad) not only stars in this one, but the 2 sequels that follow.

The basic gist of the movie is simple; A bunch of stereotypes are trapped in a bar while nasty monsters try to break in and eat them alive. No one actually has a name, they all go by their stereotypes. Clu is “The Bartender” while others are “Honey Pie”, “The Heroin” and so on. The movie is even kind enough to give you some comedic foresight into when and how each victim will die. What more can you ask for?

There is some seriously sloppy blood letting and the F bombs fly around the bar worse than the flies on the happy hour buffet. Jason Mewes makes a cameo as himself and as if an angel came down and answered my prayers, dies like every drug addled bitch should.

While the movie itself seems a bit too “indie” at times, it really has a solid script and plot. Having watched Project Greenlight, I can attest to Gulagers loony’ness on set and I’m sure that casting all of his friends didn’t help in making it any easier to take control over the project.

But he did take control, and it found its way to a few midnight showings and finally to DVD where it has slowly but surely found a small but faithful cult following. The sequels, like almost ALL good crappy B-movies, went straight to DVD.

Feast II; Sloppy Seconds (2008) continues on right where the first movie leaves off. More Clu, more nameless victims and tons of good fun. The kills are ripe, the story is fun and those damn hilarious “fore sights” are back with a vengeance. Only “The Bartender” and “Honey Pie” come back for a second helping (because they were the only ones left alive)

Unlike the first, this time around we are given some great boobage and even a midget or two. And this sequel introduces us to “Tot Girl”, “Tat Girl”, and Tit Girl”.

Unfortunately this one gets a little too comedic and at times seems like a film school kid is trying out some new shots and editing tricks he’s learning, but forgets to edit them out of the final product.

Feast 3; The Happy Finish (2009) continues on at the very moment 2 ends. You really shouldnt see this one with having seen at least 2. Of course “The Bartender” is still pouring beer and lord knows how, but “Honey Pie” is still hanging in there. And although “Tot Girl” dies in a most messy fashion, “Tit” and “Tat” get a new friend in “Puke Girl”.

As I said, this one really picks up within seconds of Sloppy Seconds ending. Some sweet ass midget ripping and boobs galore take up the majority of this finale to the trilogy so put the kids to bed. The “fore sights” are damn near a character of their own this time and you’ll wish for more by the time this sucker ends.

Be sure to stick around during the end credits for the most bizarre surprise ending you’ll ever see on film. Of course if you have sat through all 3 of these gems, the surprise won’t phase you in the least.

I give this one 3 Cleavers (sure it’s one for each film, but I mean 3 in a good way)